Are you able to say no?

It’s a tough call sometimes when we are asked to do things for friends, family, and colleagues, on the one hand we all want to please others we often find we are so stretched we often ‘overdo’ by people-pleasing and get end up getting tired, overloaded, resentful and often feel burned out.

So what’s the answer? well in my long years as a Nurse, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend I seemed to ALWAYS end up putting other people’s needs in front of my own.

I often felt angry and noticed people took me for granted or did not respect my time, I soon released it was my own doing ( a hard pill to swallow often).

I was the one who would not say no and ALLOWED people to manipulate me.

 I was the one who took on more than I could cope with.

 I was the one who actually did not respect me not the other people.

I was the one who had not created firm respectable boundaries.

I have amazed myself by doing a full 180-degree turnaround and funnily enough, people do now really respect me, I do have great boundaries and am even able to say no.

I released it’s the way you say things that is as important as what you say.

My top tips if want to learn to say no and have better boundaries …

1.Pause before you commit and say I will get back to you.

2.Take time to think if you really have time and are willing to give it freely.

3.When saying no it’s ok to say I am sorry I can’t do Y but I could do X instead if that helps.

4.When you need to say no you can say you have another commitment and it might even be a commitment to rest but you don’t need to say what it is.

5. PRACTISE, PRACTISE, PRACTISE, start with the people it’s easiest with and work up to the more challenging people.

I promise if you stand up tall, be authentic, look people in the eyes, and speak with a loving tone you will find the world will be more respectful to you and most of all you will feel more respected by yourself.

It may not be easy at first to create better boundaries and learn to say no, but in the long run, when we make sure we take care of our own needs we avoid the stress and pressure that creates the dis-ease in our bodies and will live a more peaceful less pressured life.

Are you addicted?

Some people are not sure if they are addicted to something and this vlog might help you decide if you really are, always remember there is help if you need it.

My antidote for overwhelm

We all get overwhelmed at times with so much to do and not so much time to do it and perhaps you get overwhelmed with life and things around you.There is an easier solution to really help you move forward, so check out my latest video to see how you can really help yourself and reduce stress at the same time.

Happy New Year! My 2021 message

My new years message must always be about self care improving our health, why is it the same you might ask? check out my Vlog and find out.We all seem to want the best health but we all really need to invest the time, energy, and commitment to making the changes to turn our best intentions into tangible actions.

The proof is in the pudding

So what’s the excitement about? And what’s that title all about?

Patience my dear readers, it will be revealed soon enough!

I must say, I am delighted to be writing this Blog for a change. As you know my monthly Blogs are SO much harder than my Vlogs as I feel so natural in front of a camera and so comfortable, but as a coach, I need to remember I must streeeetch myself to grow and writing these monthly is the answer to greater learning.

As they say practice makes permanent ( I dislike practice makes perfect as there is no such thing as perfect!)

Ok Ok, this is The story…

I went to the doctors the other day ( no it’s not a joke) and had 30 minutes worth of health checks, blood tests, sugar levels, cholesterol levels, question after question and eventually the results spued out of the computer.

3 days before Xmas the Health Professional just stared at me then looked at the results then again at me, how old are you? She said.

She knew I was 60 so I was a bit confused, is there something wrong I wondered?

She then smiled and said she had never in 7 years seen such amazing health results/scores. In fact, some people half my age were not at healthy and well.

As you can imagine I was delighted, my best Xmas present in a very tough year was amazing health! Not only do I truly care and respect my body and really look after it, I now have the rewards for doing so.

Now I am not suggesting if you do what I do you will have the same, sadly I know many people who seem to have a really healthy life but have had illness and health issues.

What I am saying is if you do the best you can with your self-care and wellbeing there is a greater chance you will avoid many health issues, or at least be able to manage them better.

As I end my Blogg for this week and as we go into a new year, my prayer is that everyone really takes a good look at what their health was like last year and what possible changes they could make to improve their wellbeing either mentally, physically spiritually or emotionally.

Let us all make 2021 a healthier happier year for ourselves.

My Xmas message and a Merry Xmas to you all!

Managing xmas mahem!

week one-3 top tips to reduce stress at Xmas

Many of us feel the pressure of Xmas and find we get more stressed. How would it be to relax more and really enjoy the festive period? Check out my whole month of December Vlogs for simple tips on how to reduce stress.

Tips to deal with the negative voices in our heads

Why is we speak so disrespectfully to ourselves sometimes? it appears we are harder on ourselves and more judgmental than on others.

Those voices in our heads telling us we are not good enough, not clever enough, not tall enough, not slim enough, not intelligent enough, not creative enough and the list goes on.

I believe everyone has heard those voices at one time or another and it’s time to rise above the negativity we sometimes create for ourselves.

Also, remind yourself if you would say all those things to another person how might they feel?

.So what can we actually do when these thoughts and voices come into our heads?

 I want to give you an exercise which I have found a real game-changer and one I work with some of my clients ( and myself).

It’s really a simple process of imagining you were talking to someone you love and reframe the things that are coming into your mind.

So the next time you notice those voices I want you to challenge the thoughts/voices and ask is this really the truth and who says it’s the truth ( generally it’s just not the truth) then swap the negative thoughts and voices for positive  ones, for example:

 I am not clever enough      swap to      I can learn new things and am capable

I am not creative enough  swap to        Everyone is creative and I am too

I don’t deserve the best     swap to        Everyone deserves good things and so do I

See how you feel when you do this small change and you will find that when the voices come in again you can smile and say thank you but I choosing to listen to the more loving voices today that best serve me!

Let’s be honest we all have huge potential and are all pretty amazing!

7 great benefits from taking action

Let's be honest we all love a few benefits in life but what is great about actions is, we then get results which is what we all really love in the end! Check out the 7 benefits you can allow yourself to experience as well as many more that I am sure you can come up with. As they say, 'one ounce of action is greater than one ton of theory'

5 causes of hidden stress

Do you sometimes feel stressed, anxious ,fatigued and unfocused but don’t really know why? check out my 5 possible reasons why.

Are you a perfectionist?

Are you a perfectionist? Do you sometimes put your perfectionism ahead of your peace of mind and serenity? Are you driven and find you often get exhausted and fatigued? check out my vlog for some solutions.

My journey from self neglect to self respect

We all know what to do but why is it we don’t do what we know?let me share my story with you of how to focus on simple steps because If we don’t make time to take care of our health will have to make time for our illness.

Why we need to honour commitments to ourselves.

How are your commitments going? No not to others but to yourself?

My monthly blog time has come around so quickly and as most people who know me, know how much I dislike writing! HOWEVER I made a commitment to someone who has been helping me to promote my social media and she suggests to mix blogs with vlogs, so here we are!

Talking of commitments I notice it seems easier for most people to honour commitments to others but its not so easy to honour them for ourselves.

So what’s that all about I wonder? I decided to get curious  and look into this a little further and realised that we all tend to value others more than ourselves!

I could now go on about the consequences of not honouring commitments to ourselves but you already know them  guilt, shame, blame, disappointment the list goes in!

Bottom line is we feel pants, so let’s shift this negativity and focus on the benefits.

For starters, keeping the commitments you made means you get to do those wonderful things you planned! You will benefit from whatever life-giving thing you promised yourself you’d do! Not all promise-keeping is fun in the moment, but you wouldn’t have made the promise unless it would eventually bring you some type of benefit.

It also boosts your confidence and reminds you that you are valuable and worthy of this self-care. Studies show that keeping a promise to yourself helps you feel strong and confident and boosts your productivity and happiness! This is a powerful way to live.

And let’s not forget that filling up your own tank allows you to have more to give to others.

I am really a strong advocate at keeping commitments to myself as quite simply, I feel so much better about myself when I do and it injects a real level of self respect and self love.

Ok now as I have spent time doing something I don’t like please let me know how you are feeling when you practice more self honouring of those commitments.

Remember, as the L’Oréal advert says….it’s because  you are worth it!

Covid-19 and are you asking for help when you need it?

Covid-19 3 top tips for managing challenges

Challenges can be positive or negative but the reality is we will always be facing them during our lives, todays Vlog offers 3 top tips to on how we can simply find a helpful strategy to manage them.

Covid-19 - 3 Top tips for managing anxiety

Anxiety can be a massive issue for many of us and I too have issues at times with anxiety.

Most people know I am not a lover of the written word so this exercise in itself can cause a certain amount of anxiety for me, but today I have a few simple strategies that can massively help me.

I have spoken about the three A’s many times and it is a powerful antidote to any change or situation so I will share it again with you in writing.

 1. Acknowledge you feelings

It is very easy to try to ignore our feelings and either ignore them or bury them, this actually only makes things worse so as they say, ‘name it and claim it’. Feelings pass and it is ok to feel them, in fact it is imperative to feel them otherwise we become more and more ill at ease and it can even lead to health issues by not identifying them.

 2.Accept how you are feeing

You may not like the way you are feeling and try to fight it but the reality is that is how you feel and the sooner you accept your feeling anxious the sooner you can choose a response. Accepting feelings in not a passive thing but it allows us to surrender more and allows us to move onto the next phase which is the transformation phase.

 3.Action, so what choices have you got?

This is the most powerful one of the three as at this stage we can see what we can change, initially it may only be a tiny change and it can feel overwhelming due to the feelings we are experiencing. For me I find just slowing down my breathing and taking larger deeper breaths really helpful to ease the initial anxiety and help me put things into more perceptive and gently move to another tiny action, may be go for a walk or talk to someone, perhaps do some exercise or movement. The reality is is you don’t do an action nothing will change.

As they say ‘one ounce f action is greater than one ton of theory’.

This step is truly the start of the way through these challenging situations and helps us take back some control.

 I hope this strategy is helpful to others as much as it helps me, and remember, be kind to yourself as you are doing great!

Covid-19 Top tips for allowing yourself to have more fun

We all can do with a little more fun in our lives to ensure our Health and wellbeing is kept in top condition, so what can we do to help at this challenging time? check out my latest Vlog and see my simple top tips.

Covid -19 6 top tips on managing loneliness.

Do you feel more lonely during this unstable and challenging time? Covid-19 can really affect our mental Health and loneliness can be a big factor.Check out my latest Vlog for 6 top tips to manage loneliness more effectively.

Covid-19 Feel the Fear and do it anyway-Blog

My FIRST monthly Blog with top tips and insights on mental health and wellbeing, just for you.

I really am NOT in my comfort zone right now so what better place to start than right here right now!

I have dyslexia and am no great fan of writing or reading, In fact, I was doing a Nursing essay once over 20 years ago and the tutor wanted to know what child had written the piece of work (which as you can imagine was a really upsetting time).

I decided that was it and I would avoid writing at all costs, to be fair I have been able to use other skills to my advantage. I LOVE being in front of a camera and making videos, in front of a live audience and presenting at public speaking events, this really is a place I feel I come across at my very best.

So why bother with the writing you might ask? Great question, but my wonderful marketing friend suggested to get the very best from my social media exposure I need to ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway!’ So my dear readers this is it.

You will be delighted to know I am keeping it brief as it is something I am looking forward to completing, but the really wonderful thing I want to share is how great it is to just do something that might be beneficial even if it’s a bit uncomfortable.

My challenge for you all is to do the same in an area that might be a bit of a stretch for you.

As I come to the final few words I do feel a great sense of achievement and although it is not something I really love, I am willing to add a few more blogs from time to time on my website.

So have some fun and challenge yourself, remember nothing grows in the comfort zone x