It’s a tough call sometimes when we are asked to do things for friends, family, and colleagues, on the one hand we all want to please others we often find we are so stretched we often ‘overdo’ by people-pleasing and get end up getting tired, overloaded, resentful and often feel burned out.
So what’s the answer? well in my long years as a Nurse, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend I seemed to ALWAYS end up putting other people’s needs in front of my own.
I often felt angry and noticed people took me for granted or did not respect my time, I soon released it was my own doing ( a hard pill to swallow often).
I was the one who would not say no and ALLOWED people to manipulate me.
I was the one who took on more than I could cope with.
I was the one who actually did not respect me not the other people.
I was the one who had not created firm respectable boundaries.
I have amazed myself by doing a full 180-degree turnaround and funnily enough, people do now really respect me, I do have great boundaries and am even able to say no.
I released it’s the way you say things that is as important as what you say.
My top tips if want to learn to say no and have better boundaries …
1.Pause before you commit and say I will get back to you.
2.Take time to think if you really have time and are willing to give it freely.
3.When saying no it’s ok to say I am sorry I can’t do Y but I could do X instead if that helps.
4.When you need to say no you can say you have another commitment and it might even be a commitment to rest but you don’t need to say what it is.
5. PRACTISE, PRACTISE, PRACTISE, start with the people it’s easiest with and work up to the more challenging people.
I promise if you stand up tall, be authentic, look people in the eyes, and speak with a loving tone you will find the world will be more respectful to you and most of all you will feel more respected by yourself.
It may not be easy at first to create better boundaries and learn to say no, but in the long run, when we make sure we take care of our own needs we avoid the stress and pressure that creates the dis-ease in our bodies and will live a more peaceful less pressured life.