I am loving this theme of ‘what I have learned this week’ and I had a great example of taking responsibility for my reactions.
I am one of those people who is a stickler for time management, I LOVE being on time and am very rarely late.
This week my husband and I were travelling to Champneys, Forest Mere Health Spa for a speaker date I regularly am invited to every month.
Its overnight and I really love the whole experience, my talk is at 6pm and I wanted to leave at the earliest time to get most out of the few days we where there.
9am was my cut off time and my husband’s time management is not quite as specific as mine is, the clock was ticking and I started to notice the anger building up when it was almost 9am and he was not ready, historically I would have started to complain and we would have ended up in a bit of a row.
THIS time, the learning for me was to notice the feelings and ask myself ‘is it worth the argument we might have? to be honest we rarely have arguments, its more of an open forum to discuss our feelings without the injection of huge outbursts.
I decided to take responsibility for my frustration and anger share it in a non-aggressive and non-judgmental way.
We ended up leaving at 9.20am and had an amazing time as a result of my taking control of my reaction.
I realise when we debriefed on the subject it’s a bit fear based and I just don’t want to miss out (bless me) we even had a laugh about it and feel closer as a couple understanding our little idiosyncrasies.
So next time you are feeling any strong emotion, STOP and nice it and follow it through to what the ending might be, you will be amazed if you take responsivity for your reactions how you can change a potentially explosive situation to a real positive one.
I am continuing my theme of ‘What I have learned this week’ and this week is about how commitments can improve our health.
I notice I am resistant to doing this blog because I don’t want to, I LOVE doing my Vlogs as they are so easy and natural for me but writing I dislike, and it seems to be harder.
One of my assets is honouring my commitments,I noticed in the past when I didn’t honour them I often felt and ongoing underlying anxiety which affected many areas of my health.
My sleep was affected, I worried, I felt guilty, shameful, and often angry at myself.
I was told on a workshop on Friday if you don’t add the LinkedIn video by 26th that feature is going to be removed ( The Monday after the weekend)
Following the workshop on ‘tips for LinkedIn’ it came up as the first thing people should do to get noticed quickly. I realised I then had a deadline to make a video this weekend for my LinkedIn profile ( a 30-second video for my profile page).
On weekends I make sure I have large chunks of downtime to ensure I have a healthy and balanced worklife and was super busy with family events.
My weekend was rammed with grandchildren's commitments, fun, and outdoor activities so it felt like there was no time to do this video.
The clock was ticking and I noticed how anxious it was making me knowing I needed to do it yet not seeing any time to fit it in, by Sunday evening I was so tired, unmotivated and unprepared ( my hair was not at its best ) I did not feel I could ‘pull it out of the bag’.
What was my driver was how good I feel when I honour my commitments not only to others but to myself.
So last night I dug really deep, put my make-up on, did my hair and did the deed! It was such a great feeling and I defiantly noticed my anxiety plummet and my joy rise.
It may not be my best video and it’s only 30 seconds long but I really did my best!
If you hover over my profile picture on linked in you will see it’s really ok especially as now you know the back story.
As I conclude my Blog for today ( another commitment honoured) I can go into my week with a calmer and more relaxed mind and body.
The main aim of my weekly vlogs and blogs is to pass on tips I have personally learned to make YOUR life easier.
Why you might ask? well to be honest, if I would have learned and practised some of the suggestions I have given over the years, I could have saved myself a lifetime riddled with anxiety, stress, worry fear doubt and insecurity.
I guess the bottom line is my life would not have been stress free, but I would have felt more resilient and more in control, enabling me to deal with the ups and downs of life in a happier and calmer way.
So how can self-awareness help? By understanding how I respond to situations and how they make me feel, I can more easily adapt my reactions and learn to respond in a healthier and more beneficial way.
By beneficial I mean reducing, or even avoiding the detrimental affects of high levels of stress in my body which are experienced as restlessness, anxiety, lack of concentration, mood swings, erratic sleeping patterns, raised blood pressure, fatigue and often addictive behaviours, shopping, eating alcohol consumption etc.
How can we start to become more self-aware? Start by being an observer of your body and hew it responds to difficult situations, this means we need to practice more presence in the moment.
Building a higher level of self-awareness and presence elevates us from reactive behaviours to responsive one meaning we get to CHOOSE how we respond.
This is the most empowering thing I have ever experienced, the power to choose how I will respond, and it takes dedication, patience and practice but I personally want to be able to live my life in a more serene calmer way.
Research suggest when we can master our emotions we can not only change negative situations into more positive ones but we can increase our levels of self-confidence and self-respect, this changed behaviour can massively improve how we handle life’s challenges.
And finally as Pythagoras once said ( the Greek philosopher) ‘No man is free if he cannot control himself’
A friend asked to read the book I wrote and gave me a five-word testimonial, I was a bit nervous when she told me it was a short one but the words she wrote where more powerful than a manuscript! She wrote ‘This book is my second bible’
WOW that really was amazing and leads me to share more in this blog today.
If you really want to make changes in your life the best way to go about it is to look holistically at all areas of your life only then can you see if there is any imbalance and it’s not all about diet and exercise!
I created this tool I guess for myself at first and then realised its SO POWERFUL I can share it.
I was overweight, I smoked, my marriage was unfulfilling, and my life seemed over loaded with stress and anxiety, I had three children ,ironically worked as a Nurse yet the magical things that were missing in my life where balance and contentment.
These areas MUST be addressed if you want a healthier happier life
Purpose
Communication
Fun
Mental health
Relationships
Spirituality
Physical health
Environment
Finances
Time management
If ANY of the above are imbalanced, then our lives are often unhappy so let’s address these in a simple way.
Look to make small changes in each area and I guarantee your health and contentment will improve. I have worked with many people over the past 17 years and everyone has experienced improvement, it’s a ‘done deal’ as they say.
In a nutshell, when you improve each area on the list you will automatically start to feel better.
Having more fun, living an authentic life ( just being yourself) ,loving and caring for your body ( what you put into it and how you rest and respect it).
Getting into nature more, moving your body, getting a closer relationship to your spiritual side.
Improving the relationships you have with family, friends and loved one.
Having good boundaries with others, learning to ‘say what you mean without being mean’
Living within your means financially, working on finding ways to improve your mental health by communicating your feelings and finding strategies to reduce negativity.
Finding a purpose in your life, making time for yourself and others.
Often people feel OVERWHELMED when they look at the above list and end up procrastinating, but the truth is if you break them down and chose one small area to work on you will start the wonderful journey of self-improvement.
I can honestly say I have never been so happy and content with who I am and it all started with one SMALL tiny action.
Have you ever met anyone who is enthused with passion and full of excitement? Their energy seems almost palpable and their whole persona seems to light up.
This dear friend I spoke to today is in the states and is a leading person in sustainability, her name is Kate McGuire of Converted Closet.
She is a cloths designer who converts cloths to help the planet become more sustainable.
Interestingly enough I am as passionate about Health as Kate is about Sustainability so the question was posed, what can we do to get ourselves in this state about our own passions?
I was surprised with her response, but it soon made sense to me and it’s SO simple! Stay with me on this one please but the answer is in the children.
She suggests we empower our children by asking them simply what we can do, I have four grandchildren and 2 of those are 3 years old.
They LOVE being asked questions and seem to give quite astonishing, authentic, simple answers to life challenges and passions.
Kate suggests you ask the children what they think in relation to your passions and challenges and how to get more excited about life.
As you know in my case it’s helping the world become healthier and in Kates's, it’s how to help the planet with sustainability.
Of course, 3 may seem to be a little young but any age child will have something wonderfully simple to offer as a suggestion.
Whether is your grandchildren children’s nieces or nephews, it’s the children who seem to keep things less complicated and have a ‘breath of fresh air approach’.
I asked my grandchild one day about making the world a happier place and she said you Nonna be happy as that makes everyone happier, how simple is that to start with? It filled me full of passion immediately.
This is a random and out-of-my-comfort-zone Blog but I LOVE to change things up a bit.
Now off you go and find a young person and ask them in a light way about something you would like to get excited and passionate about (that’s appropriate to discuss) and see what wonderful nugget you might receive.
I believe we have a sense of duty to make the world a better place for the future of our children, so let’s ensure we include them in our journeys.